Thursday, November 3, 2011

choose to become

last month i went to "time out for women." it was a day and a night full of inspiration and the spirit. the theme was "choose to become" and i left feeling rejuvenated and more determined to become who the lord wants me to be. but as often happens, once i left that spirit filled room and stepped back into "real life" it was easy to forget what i learned, what i felt and what i had resolved to do (and of course "real life" is really where i needed to remember and apply what i had learned).

last week in particular was a hard week for me. i had a lot to do for my calling and was feeling completely overwhelmed about doing it all, not to mention the day to day stuff of life and trying to be a good mom and wife. nap time, that precious time each day where both kids are sleeping and i have a chance to do something for me (or take care of some of the business of life) was being taken up by relief society stuff and i felt like i was treading water and barely keeping my head above the surface.  i had a few breakdowns. one by myself, one to my counselor and one to dave. all them included tears and me saying, "i can't do this," "what was heavenly father thinking when he called me? there must be someone better for this job,"and "there's not enough time to do everything." i know these feelings aren't unique to me, we all feel them at some point, to some degree. but i needed to be reminded that my heavenly father was aware of me and loved me. dave gave me a priesthood blessing and it was the reminder i needed that my heavenly father is there.

i've thought about the theme, "choose to become" and i am grateful it emphasizes choice. it's up to me who and what i become and even the little choice each day matter. and the process of becoming like christ isn't an easy one and it isn't a quick one. it is filled with overwhelming moments, moments of inadequacy, moments where we think we can't do it, lonely moments and hard moments. but there are also moments where the spirit whispers who you are, a son or daughter of god with incredible potential, and you feel it and believe it. and with that understanding, you can overcome and learn from all those hard moments that are inevitable parts of life. and i guess even those moments are good, because they are usually the moments when we look to god and turn things over to him. when we learn to trust and really rely on our faith, because we remember we can't do it on our own.

i want to be able to remember (and apply) some of those spiritual whisperings from time out for women. because clearly i need them in my "real life."
  • (mary ellen edmunds) there is an all out war for my identity. satan doesn't want me to know/remember who i am because if i do, he can't make me miserable. and nothing feels better than remembering who i am.   talking to my heavenly father and reading the book of mormon protect me from identity theft. 
  • (heidi swinton) president monson said one of the sweetest experiences in mortality is to be an answer to someone else's prayer. the spirit doesn't justify or explain to us (when prompting us), it just expects us to respond - immediately!
  • (hilary weeks) extraordinary moments happen in the middle of ordinary days. ask heavenly father each morning in my prayers what is the most important thing for me to do that day.
  • (emily watts) we learn something about ourselves when we do hard things, it is how we learn and grow. be careful about judging. we usually don't see the whole picture or know the back story. develop a thick skin because others may judge us without seeing the whole picture or knowing the back story. 
  • (kelly ogden) we have every reason in the world to be happy. "don't be a pickle sucker" gordon b. hinckley. we can have a bad day but have a good life. the spirit of god (and things that bring the spirit of god) inspires cheerfulness and brings happiness regardless of circumstances. 
  • (merrilee boyack) be bold and fearless. blaze my trail and pray that the lord will help me know who to serve along the way. women do incredible things!!
  • (emily freeman) if i want to become the lord's, it will require ALL of me. i can't hold anything back.

i already can't wait for next year.

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