for the last couple of months i have been thinking about our capacity as individuals. about 2 months ago i got a new calling. to say i was shocked would be an understatement. for 3 years i had served in a pretty demanding calling and to be perfectly honest, i was hoping for something a little easier when i got released (or at least something with less meetings). i have to admit as the bishop extended the calling, in my head i was thinking, "i have a baby that is just barely a month old and a two year old (almost), a husband that works full time and is going to school at night and has 2 callings himself. and i'm just kind of tired! you seriously want me?!" i was definitely doubting not only my abilities, but also my capacity to do all that would be required with this calling.
it made me think about enoch when he received his call from the lord. now don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to compare myself to a prophet (he definitely had the harder calling :) but i could relate to his feeling of inadequacy. his response to the lord's call was, "why is it that i have found favor in thy sight, and am but a lad, and all the people hate me; for i am slow of speech; wherefore am i thy servant (moses 6:31)?" i could relate to his, "who me?! are you sure?!" sentiment. but god knows who he is calling and he enables those he calls. the lord's response was, "go forth and do as i have commanded thee, and no man shall pierce thee. open thy mouth, and it shall be filled, and i will give thee utterance, for all flesh is in my hands, and i will do as seemeth me good (moses 6:32)." the lord addressed the very thing that enoch was worried about and promised him that he would be ok. in fact he promised him that with his (the lord's) help he would be better than ok. he said,"behold my spirit is upon you, wherefore all thy words will i justify; and the mountains shall flee before you, and the rivers shall turn from their course; and thou shalt abide in me, and i in you; therefore walk with me (moses 6:34)."
i take comfort in knowing that the lord knew what he was doing when he called me (even if don't) and that if i "walk with him" he will guide me and will make my small efforts enough. i love moroni's response in ether 12 after he had told the lord his worry and had been promised by the lord that his "grace is sufficient" and that he is able to "make weak things become strong." "and i, moroni, having heard these words, was comforted, and said, 'o lord, thy righteous will be done, for i now that thou workest unto the children of men according to their faith (ether 12:29)." moroni recognized his personal weakness, but he had absolute faith in the lord and his power. he recognized where his strength came from.
i think the lord allows us to have challenges and experiences that stretch us beyond what we feel capable of because he knows that our true limits lie way beyond where we think they are. he knows it and he allows us to learn for ourselves little by little and experience upon experience just how capable we are. he allows us to come to what we think is the edge of our limits, only to discover that we can do so much more. and in doing more we become more. more like him. because we don't have to do it on our own. he will walk with us in whatever we are facing...parenting, school, work, callings, relationships...whatever. i'm sure he just hopes we will turn to him and allow him to help us. elder david a. bednar said christ can "strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do through relying only upon our own power."
here's to discovering a little more what my capacity is...