refinement

this morning we had to leave the library suddenly, with no books and me pulling a screaming child out the door. a child's screams seem especially loud as they bounce off the walls in a quiet library. i think we made quite a scene. at least that is what i gathered from all of the people staring at us as we left. 

i tried to use the experience as a teaching moment with logan. to teach him that if we aren't obedient we lose privileges. this time it meant leaving the library with no books and no videos. and i tried not to lose my cool. the verdict is still out on if i succeeded with either of those things. 

as i made lunch i couldn't help but think about god's plan and how he put us in families. we're here on earth to learn from our experiences and to grow. we know that in order for us to learn and grow there has to be adversity. adversity is what helps smooth out our rough edges and helps us grow toward our potential as children of god little by little, experience by experience. i love this scripture in job 23:10, "but he knoweth the way that i take: when he hath tried me, i shall come forth as gold." and really often it is within the walls of our own homes and with our own families that we are refined the most. it's no wonder that heavenly father's plan included us being parents and bringing children into this world. of course there are many reasons why that was part of the plan and one of them i believe was because he knew how it would help us learn, grow and become the people he sent us here to become. i can't think of any experience that consistently challenges us more, refines us more, exposes our weaknesses more (like makes it very clear that i need more patience), humbles us more, softens our hearts more and causes us to turn to god more sincerely in prayer than parenting. my need for repentance is made pretty clear every time i lose my temper with my kids and have to ask for forgiveness or don't handle a situation quite as well as i should have. i have such a desire to be a better mother and i have quickly learned (and have to relearn often) that i can't do it on my own. i need help from the lord. and when i am humble enough to ask for his help, he is so ready and willing to help. after all, these are his children he has entrusted us with. 

parenting has also helped me understand more, in the tiniest way, our relationship with our heavenly father. because if i think of how much i love my children and would do anything for them, how i want them to grow to be the best people they can, how i want them to find true joy in their lives and how sometimes i know they have to fall down and even get hurt a little to learn and grow, it gives me an inkling of how he must feel about us. and that is incredible! 

so here's to refining and hopefully a rough patch or two becoming a tiny bit smoother today.