temple-prison

while i was visiting my sister in kansas we were able to visit liberty jail, one of our church 's historic sites. 

here is the explanation elder jefferey r. holland gave of liberty jail:

"The Prophet Joseph Smith and his brethren were imprisoned in that facility during the winter of 1838–39. this was a terribly difficult time in our history for the Church generally and certainly for the Prophet Joseph himself, who bore the brunt of the persecution in that period. Indeed, I daresay that until his martyrdom five and a half years later, there was no more burdensome time in Joseph’s life than this cruel, illegal, and unjustified incarceration in Liberty Jail."

this is where the prophet received the revelations that are now sections 121, 122 and 123 of the doctrine and covenants. there have been times in my life when i have been going through a hard time and have read the question joseph smith posed to the lord, almost as if asking it myself, "o god, where art thou? and where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?" (doctrine & covenants 121:1). but more often i have found comfort in the words of the lord to joseph, "my son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, god shall exalt thee on high..." and the perspective this verse gives, "And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good (doctrine and covenants 122:7)." such beautiful truths joseph was taught that we now can be blessed by too.

i read a quote while at the jail that i've been thinking a lot about. elder b.h. roberts in recording the history of the church said liberty jail was "more temple than prison, so long as the Prophet was there. It [Liberty Jail] was a place of meditation and prayer. . . . Joseph Smith sought God in this rude prison, and found Him. Out of the midst of his tribulations he called upon God in passionate earnestness." i've been thinking about this idea of a temple-prison. that the lord can use times of trial and adversity in our lives to teach us and refine us and that those experiences will become sacred to us because of the things we learned and the way we progressed. i came across a ces fireside elder holland gave where he talked more about this temple-prison idea. 

[visiting the beautiful kansas city temple]

"Tonight’s message is that when you have to, you can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experience with the Lord in any situation you are in. Indeed, let me say that even a little stronger: You can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experience with the Lord in the most miserable experiences of your life—in the worst settings, while enduring the most painful injustices, when facing the most insurmountable odds and opposition you have ever faced.

Every one of us, in one way or another, great or small, dramatic or incidental, is going to spend a little time in Liberty Jail—spiritually speaking. We will face things we do not want to face for reasons that may not have been our fault. Indeed, we may face difficult circumstances for reasons that were absolutely right and proper, reasons that came because we were trying to keep the commandments of the Lord. We may face persecution; we may endure heartache and separation from loved ones; we may be hungry and cold and forlorn. Yes, before our lives are over we may all be given a little taste of what the prophets faced often in their lives. But the lessons of the winter of 1838–39 teach us that every experience can become a redemptive experience if we remain bonded to our Father in Heaven through that difficulty. These difficult lessons teach us that man’s extremity is God’s opportunity, and if we will be humble and faithful, if we will be believing and not curse God for our problems, He can turn the unfair and inhumane and debilitating prisons of our lives into temples—or at least into a circumstance that can bring comfort and revelation, divine companionship and peace.

President Joseph Fielding Smith, grandnephew of the Prophet Joseph and grandson of the incarcerated Hyrum, said something even stronger than that when he dedicated the Liberty Jail Visitors’ Center in 1963. 'As I have read the history of those days, the days that went before and days that came after, I have reached the conclusion that the hardships, the persecution, the almost universal opposition[toward the Church at that time] were necessary. At any rate they became school teachers to our people. They helped to make [them] strong.'"

 

the same weekend i visited liberty jail i watched the wonderful relief society broadcast with my sister and linda s. reeves shared a story that teaches this same idea.

"Almost three years ago a devastating fire gutted the interior of the beloved, historic tabernacle in Provo, Utah. Its loss was deemed a great tragedy by both the community and Church members. Many wondered, 'Why did the Lord let this happen? Surely He could have prevented the fire or stopped its destruction.'

Ten months later, during the October 2011 general conference, there was an audible gasp when President Thomas S. Monson announced that the nearly destroyed tabernacle was to become a holy temple—a house of the Lord! Suddenly we could see what the Lord had always known! He didn’t cause the fire, but He allowed the fire to strip away the interior. He saw the tabernacle as a magnificent temple—a permanent home for making sacred, eternal covenants.

 

My dear sisters, the Lord allows us to be tried and tested, sometimes to our maximum capacity. We have seen the lives of loved ones—and maybe our own—figuratively burned to the ground and have wondered why a loving and caring Heavenly Father would allow such things to happen. But He does not leave us in the ashes; He stands with open arms, eagerly inviting us to come to Him. He is building our lives into magnificent temples where His Spirit can dwell eternally."

so i'm trying to keep this in mind as i face my own trials, to allow them to be a temple-prison in my life, a redemptive experience. 

this was the blowout connor had while we were at liberty jail. pretty impressive, eh?! getting a poopy onesie off of a baby is no small feat. and i ran out of wipes! lucky thing i had my emergency diaper kit (which included wipes) from my friend cassy. and thanks to oxiclean, that onesie is as good as new!

celebrating my grandma clark

although my grandma clark was nearly 90 years old (this december), her passing at the beginning of september came as a big surprise. on saturday she and my grandpa (who is 91) were at the idaho state fair and as my grandma stepped up on the shuttle that would take them back to their car at the end of the day, her foot got caught and she fell backward, cracking her head. she was taken to the hospital in blackfoot and then was life flighted to the hospital in pocatello (where they live). sadly she never regained consciousness and on monday morning she was taken off life support, surrounded by her husband and 5 children. even now, it all seems surreal. wasn't my grandma beautiful?!

connor and i drove to pocatello with my dad (and connor was an angel baby and slept the entire 9 hour trip, except when i fed him at lunch). all 22 of my grandma's grandchildren were able to come from all over the country. my cousin said it best when he said it was a testament to my grandma that everyone was there. it was such a great reunion! we haven't all been together for years and our first night there we stayed up until 2am talking. 

i think this is such a tender moment captured

a sweet picture of my cousins

my mom's cousin karen did so much in preparation for the funeral, as well as sending us a disk with pictures from the viewing and funeral. and she loved snuggling connor. 

the funeral was such a beautiful tribute to my grandma. i loved hearing about her life. funny stories about all the tricks she and her identical twin sister played on others (like switching dates!).  life was an adventure. she was a a small town girl from idaho, who had never been further than california. and then she married my grandpa and after he had been in germany for awhile, she took a train to nyc and then a boat to germany all by herself to meet him. another time she traveled by herself and her 3 small children on a boat to japan (which took weeks). the ships didn't have stabilizers then and my grandma would get horribly sea sick. my mom remembers getting strapped into their beds at night so they wouldn't fall out! my grandparents loved traveling and traveled all over the world (list below from the funeral program of the places they visited. i think some are missing though). i remember visiting their house and looking at the map that had pins stuck of all the places they had been. they sacrificed a lot personally to take their extended family on amazing trips so we could experience the world, build relationships and create memories together. i definitely think i get my wanderlust from them! my grandma always looked beautiful. she never left the house without lipstick on and her nails painted. in fact, when my mom got to their house after the accident happened, there was an open bottle of nail polish on the stove. her eyesight had gotten so bad that she painted her nails on the stove so that she had the light to help her see. she had painted her nails that day before they went to the fair. my grandmother loved the gospel and served 3 missions with my grandpa. she was kind and selfless. i'm so grateful i got to see her at the end of may. i love that my grandparents were at the state fair. seriously, how many 91 and nearly 90 year olds are going to the state fair?! they really lived life and i'm glad she left this life living it until the very end! 

all the grandsons

i had to include this picture below because the woman in the picture is edith, my grandma's identical twin sister. it was trippy to be at my grandma's funeral and see edith, who looks and sounds exactly like my grandma. it was weird, but comforting at the same time. almost like getting to see and hear my grandma one last time.

my mom and her siblings

all the grandkids

the original six! it was so great to all be together, even under such sad circumstances. i love my family!

my grandpa and his posterity!

 

for my grandpa's 90th birthday my aunt made tiles and framed things my grandpa always says. i couldn't help but take a picture of some of them that remind me of grandpa!

my grandpa is a tough, tough guy (retired colonel in the army), but boy was he tender when it came to my grandma and loved her fiercely. i love this picture i took of them when i saw them in may (i love that my grandpa is carrying my grandma's purse).

they were married almost 68 years (this december) and he misses her so much. he writes a letter to all of us about once a month and the last letter he wrote had a ps that said, "i am very lonesome. please pray for me." it broke my heart. but my grandpa has a strong testimony of the gospel of jesus christ and he knows he will be with my grandma again. he bore a powerful testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel when he spoke at the funeral and challenged us all to live it more fully. the gospel brings such peace. i am grateful for the legacy of testimony left by my grandparents.

the end of an era

this past sunday was the first time in 5 (plus) years that ward council was held and i didn't attend (not including those i missed because i was out of town or had just had a baby). 2 sundays ago i was released as relief society president and while the timing is right, it's definitely bittersweet. don't get me wrong, it was a hard calling. there were so, so many times that i felt way in over my head, as i tried to counsel and/or comfort those in difficult situations (that were so far removed from things i have personally experienced) and so many times i thought to myself (and asked the lord), "there has got to be someone more qualified for this than me. are you sure you called the right girl?!!" but time and time again i was reminded that the lord qualifies those whom he calls, and that if i was humble and willing, he could use me (not that i would do everything perfectly, but better than if i tried to do it alone). it seemed like just at the times that i was feeling most overwhelmed and inadequate, he would open my eyes to a way in which he had guided and directed me, and i would be reminded once again that this is his work, he was in charge and i needed to trust in him. this past week i read a quote by president lorenzo snow that really resonated with me. it said, "to properly discharge the obligations devolving upon us, we require supernatural aid...." i think that is not only true in fulfilling callings, but in our efforts to live the gospel. we can't do it without his help and i am sure that so often he is just waiting for us to come to him so he can help us.

another huge blessing of this calling was the opportunity to serve with amazing women (debbie, wendie and aubrey pictured above at our last hurrah, before 2 of them moved away). i learned so much from them; their testimonies, their insights, perspectives and experiences. i grew so much from my time working, praying and serving with them. 

all of this reflection was fresh in my mind last week when i got together with mindy and jessica. i couldn't help but think of the 3 years we served together in the young women's presidency. once again, i couldn't have asked for better counselors to serve with. and working together with them was just plain fun! there really is an incredible bond that is formed when you work, struggle (and sometimes cry), pray and plead with the lord and experience miracles while in his service. 

(our little cuties)

i'm so grateful for the trust the lord placed in me and the chance that i have had to help build up the kingdom in a small way (although i have no doubt that these callings were probably more for me than for anyone i served). i'm grateful we have a lifetime of serving in the church in different capacities that refine us and help us move the lord's work forward (isn't it amazing that he uses such imperfect people to do his perfect work?! it reminds me of what elder holland said, "except in the case of his only perfect begotten son, imperfect people are all god has ever had to work with. that must be terribly frustrating to him, but he deals with it. so should we").  but for the next few sundays (or so) i will soak up being calling free (and hopefully at home snuggling a little baby. come on baby)!

teaching

i'm trying to get back into the swing of things after being on vacation for a week, but i'm just not feeling the motivation to do anything responsible. so instead of unpacking, doing laundry, cleaning or making my grocery list while the kids nap, i'm blogging. but not about my trip, because there's too many pictures to deal with right now! 

it's been a rough morning with the kids. i think they are still tired from our fun vacation (filled with non-stop playing, late nights and not good enough naps) and they're having a hard time getting back into the swing of things too. and on these rough days, where the whining seems constant and my patience wears thin, it is so easy for me to doubt how i'm doing with this whole motherhood thing. it really is such an amazing responsibility and trust that is placed in us to nurture, love and teach these precious little people. and there is so much to teach! a little while ago i was talking with my friend mindy. it was while emma was in the midst of all her crazy medical issues and yet i wasn't really worried. neither mindy or i are big worriers, but we both agreed that the thing we worry most about (regarding our kids) is their spiritual well-being. i worry and wonder how i can best teach them the gospel, help them develop their own testimonies and relationship with the savior, help them recognize the joy that comes from living the gospel, how to instill in them a desire to be obedient and follow the counsel from our prophet. i want them to love the gospel like i do and feel the true joy and real peace that comes from living it like i have. and really, of all the things that i can teach my kids, these are the most important. these are the things that will bless them in their day to day life and eternally. so no pressure, right?! luckily conversion is a process (and a lifelong one at that), and i know that our efforts, made consistently and prayerfully, will bless them in learning and loving the gospel and the lord for themselves as they grow. and it's exciting and encouraging to see that some things are actually sinking in! 

i love to hear the scripture stories that logan comes home from church and tells us (some of his favorites: daniel and the lion's den, baby moses, joseph smith's first vision, the israelites being fed manna in the wilderness, david and goliath, samuel the lamanite prophesying of christ's birth). i'm so grateful for his wonderful primary teachers. just a couple of days ago, out of nowhere, logan began quoting a scripture (amos 3:7) and i couldn't believe it (he also pulled it out this morning, right after he was being super whiny and i was about to lose it. good move logan! it softened the moment and made me smile). i love to hear emma request "jesus" ("i'm trying to be like jesus") every night for her bedtime song and listen to her sing along. i love that she recognizes pictures of the temple. and while these are such simple things, it's a reminder to me that the little things we do matter and that kids are never too young to start learning (i was reminded of this when elder l. tom perry, an apostle, encouraged us to begin teaching our children the gospel "at cradle side"). 

i wanted to write down one last experience so i wouldn't forget. we tried to teach logan why we celebrate easter, but it was a little challenging. resurrection seems a bit abstract, when trying to teach a 3 year old (teaching the true meaning of christmas was a lot easier :) but a couple weeks after easter we had a sweet experience. a lady in our ward, who is like the kids' "church grandma," had been gone for a couple of months taking care of her sick sister. her sister passed away and i told the kids that gerri was coming back and that they'd get to see her on sunday. i told logan she was feeling really sad though because her sister had died. he sweetly and innocently said, "it's ok, because she'll be resurrected!" on a separate occasion, while driving past gerri's apartment building logan said to dave, "there's gerri's building. she's sad because her sister died, but she'll be resurrected." 

it's no wonder we're commanded to become like a little child! i'm grateful for these sweet moments and the reminder that heavenly father will help us in our efforts to teach them about him. after all, they are his!